Billionaires and multi-millionaires alike gathered in Davos, Switzerland this week for their annual get-together in the land of their most valuable bank accounts. Back in full swing for the first time since the pandemic began, the World Economic Forum is where the global 1 percent meets to do business and sit on boards to impart conventional wisdom to one another. News outlets cover the big speeches and social dynamics, but because the event is exclusive and expensive — attendance can cost as much as $250,000 — it’s hard for the rest of us to get a sense of what it’s like there to be.
Enter Semafor, the urine colored news site launched by Ben Smith and Justin Smith (no relation) in October. The outlet was created to serve a global population of “200 million college-educated people reading in English,” according to Ben, as an alternative to publications that often “condescend with their audiences.” Rather than just covering the conference, Semafor produces service journalism from the inside out, with a daily newsletter offering agenda items, event recommendations and even wardrobe tips.
“Are you wearing boots? Wear boots! The sidewalks are still a mess,” Ben shared in Monday’s message. He went on to write 118 words about the different types of badges attendees could wear at the event, including “light blue for forum entrepreneurs and orange hotel badges that only let you into certain hotels.” Fascinating stuff. The editors of Semafor have decided that the best way to serve an uncondescendingly educated English-speaking audience is to assume their readers are in Davos.
Ben opened that first newsletter with a hedge: “You might be wondering why you are here in Davos (or, worse, reading a Davos newsletter somewhere warmer). What’s the point of the annual globalization fair when the old world order dissolves? The Forum has exactly the answer: more Davos.”
It’s a half-embarrassed justification for the publication’s decision to make it big at the conference — where better to watch economic ties fray than among the people pulling the strings? — but it also hints at a fundamental truth about Davos that Semafor’s reporting reveals. It seems like the worst, most boring, and least funny event the human brain can dream up.
I’m inclined to think that gatherings of the affluent and powerful could be at least a little entertaining. Maybe some cool celebs, some good looking people, some sick fashion, some stimulating conversations. Not so in Davos. Every sighting, anecdote and quote from a global A-lister recorded in Semafor’s newsletters is more a snooze than the last.
Does it sound like a good time to attend an 8:30 am panel on Quiet Quiet and the Importance of Work? How about a party called “Whose Metaverse Will It Be?” (According to Semafor, this nightmarish-sounding affair was sort of “the party that people seem to really want to get into,” which says all about the caliber of those on offer Party has to be said.) If you were hoping to rub shoulders with CEOs, bad luck. The bigwigs skipped the roundtables and parties, Semafor reported, to accommodate schedules that were “usually packed with client meetings, 30-minute pitch at a time.”
Even if the Metaverse themed party turns out to be swanky as hell, your chances of meeting someone cool there would be slim because the list of Davos attendees is veritable OZY Fest Poster of the evil, the unbearable, and the exceedingly boring. Semafor reporters spotted Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff, fresh off a series of major layoffs, chatting with former GOP Rep. Paul Ryan at a place called Goals House, run by conservative PR guy Matthew Freud, who was once a secret child and hidden from his wife, one of Rupert Murdoch’s daughters. They also met Sen. Kyrsten Sinema – who dressed in sheep’s clothing in a possible biblical reference – at a party hosted by Anthony Scaramucci, who briefly served as White House communications director under Donald Trump. For some reason, Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp was also in Davos and attended “Korea Night”. I would try my best to avoid any place where I might even accidentally run into these people. Can you imagine spending hundreds of thousands of dollars for the privilege of meeting her?
The participants also reportedly meet in private chat groups on WhatsApp, Telegram and Signal, including one called “Burning Man at Davos”. I had never considered whether these two events might possibly overlap or what types of individuals might be involved, but the prospect of encountering them makes me stick my head in a wood chipper.
To be fair, Idris Elba was also in Davos this year. A provably cool celebrity! According to Semafor, the venue he was scheduled to perform at was a Hilton Garden Inn.
Between gatherings of absolutely repulsive combinations of people, global leaders and famous people say a lot of mundane things at the event that only make the news because they are global leaders and famous people saying the words in Davos. Here are some quotes from this year’s convocation that Semafor felt meaningful enough to include in their newsletters:
“Foreign investment is welcome in China, and the door to China will only open wider.” – Chinese Vice Premier Liu He
“We don’t know when the war will end, but Ukraine must win. I see no other choice.” – Finnish Prime Minister Sanna Marin
“My challenge to Davos is: listen to the communities on the front lines of the crisis. Invest in local people, in local solutions.” – Chef José Andrés
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On day three of the conference, reporter Liz Hoffman made the compelling observation that “the agenda is a little slow” and “the mood is sullen,” but “at least there’s free ‘Emirati hot chocolate'” in addition to “toothpick olives and Gruyere Dice.” The actual substance of the forum, she conceded, was certainly a pile of rubbish: “The ‘Davos consensus’ […] is almost always wrong.”
Former New York Times editor-in-chief Jill Abramson offered a related analysis in Semafor’s “Space for Disagreement,” in which thought leaders (?) meddle in news articles to contradict reporters’ views. Davos, she explained, “is a corrupt circle”. Corruption can be exciting and circlejerks can be fun – but both at the same time? At sub-zero temperatures? With Fareed Zakaria and Senator Joe Manchin? In a Hilton Garden Inn? I’ll pass.