Argentine psychologist Camila Saraco had many patients with similar stories: They all had toxic upbringings. Saraco recognized that many of his patients suffered from low selfesteem and feelings of inadequacy. She decided to start a course called Toxic Parenting to give patients a better understanding of the implications of this type of parenting, the characteristics of toxic parents and how to deal with them.
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Saraco explains that a toxic parent isn’t always a bad person, but often someone who unknowingly or unintentionally engages in harmful behavior toward their children. Mexican psychologist Joseluis Canales agrees with Saraco, adding that toxic parents differ from other parents in the way they fulfill or neglect their dual function: giving love and training for life.
Canales, author of several books, points out that there is a generational gap between the way ancient and modern parents treated their children. Baby boomer and Gen Xer parents struggled to provide affection and emotional support to their children. Saraco, on the other hand, observes more toxic behavior in loving parents who become overly protective of their children and end up raising “child bullies” who can’t handle emotions.
Toxic parents can be both male and female. When a couple is responsible for parenting, both can do harm. “When one partner is toxic, the other is a passive abuser,” explains Canales.
Check out the main characteristics of toxic parents
Characteristics of toxic parents include:
- Physical or emotional abuse
- manipulation
- excessive control
- negligence
Toxic parents of previous generations tended to set aggressive boundaries to force their children into submission, while modern toxic parents are overly protective of their children and discourage them from taking on challenges.
According to Saraco and Canales, dealing with toxic parents requires those affected to have the strength and emotional security to set boundaries. It is often necessary to unlearn the behaviors that toxic parents encouraged and relearn what true love is. With boosted selfesteem and security, it is possible to avoid manipulation and build healthy relationships.
However, Saraco does point out that it’s important not to try to change or talk to toxic parents because it usually gets nowhere. Instead, it becomes clear that it is better to learn to set emotional or even physical boundaries when necessary and not engage in pointless arguments.
Dealing with toxic parents can be a difficult, long, and painful journey, but there is hope for those who want to get out of it. With courage and emotional strength, it is possible to break with these patterns and build a healthier and happier life.